What Actually Do I Want?

Dun know what happen to me... Suddenly feel very moody.

Haiz, thought of Yan Ling having 2 jobs just to support her family and herself, then wat about me? Who am i supporting? Myself? Ya, maybe.....

Just now had msn with my cousin who is only one year older than me and now she is studying in university. My goal is to go ploy. She do not have financial problem and her family financial is quite stable. She has one elder brother and one elder sister, to me she like has no problem.

I feel that i am quite useless, i hate to be at home, seriously, because of my father who always shout when he reaches home. My mum is the one who is really tired. Early morning wake up at 4am den go to work, reaches home at around 5.30pm and got to help my father to do this and that, i hate my father at times. He is the one that brought himself to this state but my mum got to suffer. I only know how to be jealous of my brother who can dun help and will not get scolding or nag by mum. My mum's elder brother knows that my mum is bias towards my brother, had told her but she deny. 

Dun know la, sometimes my mum did treat me well but... Anyway, this is how family is, u feel that parents are bias but sometimes u feel that they are not...

I just feel that i should not be calculative towards my brother. If i am not calculative, maybe can help decrease my mum's burden. All i can say is i am not a good daughter.

Now i only hope that i can go ploy and further my studies and get a good job. I had the urge to tell my rm not to put me to work from december till my grad in ite. I want to focus in my studies. I want to stay focus.  But think is impossible